Closet Smokers

[AutumnWoman]

I figured I had better join this group because I'm often home alone and my husband still smokes, which I could see as an open invitation to have a cigarette. This is Day 5 for me smoke-free, probably because I've been spending a lot of time on this site. I have to keep it in the front of my mind that regardless of whether my husband continues to smoke, I need to stay stopped.

[roxanne4]

Ok, guess I owe you all an apology...I'm new here to the site and posted the discussion "closet smoker and feeling bad"....if I offended anyone, please forgive me. That was just me mostly angry at me and telling me what I think about me and the closet smoking. I too am in the medical field, RN, and feel like a hypocrite as well. I just seems like such a vicious circle sometimes.........smoke...feel alright for a bit...then guilt...then shame...then guilt,...then the "I need a smoke to soothe me" thing..then etc...you all get the picture I'm sure. I feel so frustrated with myself and my smoking habit and especially the hiding it. Some one stated that they feel like a second hand citizen because they smoke....welllllll AMEN ...I feel the same and it's kind of disheartening to me. Why do I allow myself to be in this postition??? Someone also said that they seem to get cranky or something like that, when they don't have one. I sooooooooooooo understand. I've been able to train myself to work the 12 hours without one...then get in the car...have one or two...spray with fabreze or whatever so that when I get home my hubby doesn't suspect I've smoked..oh brother huh?

  Anyway...just wanted to apologize and explain my post. I'd really hate to start off on the wrong foot here because you are the group that I know will understand where I'm coming from....that added pressure of sneeking one.

[laurie8]

I'm happy to see a group fitting my style. Will need a lot of help from you all. Fortunately, I have only one friend who smokes, but my employee smokes. I'm single, no children, and self-employed. My life style easily allows me to smoke hide my smoking. Only a couple of my friends know I smoke, and they don't even know the extent of it, because I play it down saying I only do it when I drink. My mother has smoked her whole life. I am afraid it will be my fate as well. She doesn't live in my state so doesn't influence me. I am ready to stop. Hope you all will help me. I'll try to contribute in anyway I can to the group.

[norm]

Hi all. I quit smoking in July of 2008 and had a pretty good go of it until October of that year when I began falling off the wagon. It started out as one, then two, always in secret, to stabilize the moods and completely got out of hand from there. Friends and coworkers still believe I've long since kicked the habit and what a guilt trip it is evade the question (ok..maybe lie) when they ask how long it has been since I quit. Am so tired of beating myself up for this, so as of yesterday have gotten back on track with the no-smoking thing. 24 miserable hours so far. Ack. Help me, Obi-wan Kenobi. Youre my only hope.

[sunshine]

I am so glad I found this group! I sooo identify with Patty! I have missed out on getting to know people or fun events because I don't want them to know that I smoke. Also because it's such a drag being somewhere for hours without being able to smoke and thinking about it the whole time. I'm a stay at home mom and really it feels like I was actually just a stay at home smoker. Taking my kids to typical kid places requires being around other moms who might smell smoke on me, etc. Smoking has cost me so much, so much I didn't even realize. Guilt, shame and embarrassment are constant companions: ) That is one of the best things I've experienced since quitting. No more worrying about people knowing I smoke or smelling me. Good Riddance!

[joy3]

I am glad I found this group, I am also a closet smoker and I hate the thought of being one. I don't let anyone see me smoke
  I get so frustrated doing this. The shame, the guilt and I want to guit, Smoking in my car while driving is the hardest. What to do while driving. I go for an hour without a cig. while driving and think to myself it is better than I use to do, smoking constanly while driving. I hate myself for smoking. None of my friends smoke or my family. I feel like such a failure. I know that I am addicted and need to stop. When I go 6 hours without a cig. I feel so good that I had went that long without one. My doctor suggested Chantrix and I have a prescription for it . I have thought about buying nic.gum or loz/ what do you find works best when you really want a cigarette. The longest I have went without a cigarette is 6 hours during the day, this is when I am around people., but than I have to have one.

[margaret-miller]

Have just signed up. After reading the things you've said, I think closet smoker is the best description for the way I smoke. Only in my car and At home. While friends know I smoke they don't so I never smoke in public. At first very ashamed of myself and kept it secret. My son caughht me buyiing a carton. he is always reminding me to stop smoking.
  My quite date is April 1st. I have signs around my apt. that ay it is April first and I am tobacco and smoke free. I figure this will inform my subconscious that this is going to happen. I think the trigger tracking will help as there are only a few places I smoke. Any uideas? I am looking for sources of support as in the past I've never told anyone that I was quiting.

[margaret-miller]

I guess it's shame that causes me to wash my hands after I smoke in hopes that I wont smell like smoke. Or being self conscious when I give friends a hug worried that they can smell smoke on me. I use to carry air freshener around in the car - I smoke in my car - always with the window open - then spray it on me before I went into someone's home. Also lighting up in the car I worried that someone I knew would see me smoking. The past three years I have not done this as someone mentioned that she knew I was smoking because she could smell it when she hugged me. I'm pretty much out right now. But I still worry about being seen by my sister or son. When I first started smoking, again, I felt sneaky and dishonest around my family and friends. This is really sad when we feel like this. These feelings afffect all relationships and everything we do.

[bloominglater]

hello all. i am DEFINITELY a closet smoker. my car smells like an ashtray. it's so gross. i am so embarrassed that i NEVER let anyone ride with me. people at work know that i smoke, but they tease me about it. on top of that, i have health anxiety, so every time i smoke, i get really scared about the effects of smoking. anyway, i'm glad to finally have somewhere to go to discuss these types of issue. i'm looking forward to being free of this fear once and for all.

[noreen]

Ok I have become a closet smoker. First off I quit in January and was going great for a month. Then I found myself begin to bum ciggs and buy singles. I have a new start date which is tomorrow, I quit cold turkey the first time and will start again. I thought I had it under control. I started going outside with smokers thinking I could handle it and it crept back in. The funny thing is that I had refused to buy a pack a ciggs and I'am not half as bad as I was because I don't allow to many people to know I puff here and there. This time I have to get it in my mind that this is a process. I think I got big headed and jumped ahead of myself.

[patricia-davison]

Joined this group because in quitting I ahve become a closet smoker. I was in the hospital with COPD in JANuary and everyone thinks I quit then. 3 weeks ago I picked it up in secret. I can't tell youi the amount of guilt I feel while smoking and the amount of anxiety about my health. I ahve jsut started on Chantix today so hoefully I Will be able to begin again in a week. Noreen you sound exactly like me. Good luck with the new quit. It sure feels good to be a non smoker.